Friday Five: The Top Five Most Quotable Movies

Before I begin, permit me to explain what I mean by “most quotable”. It is entirely me-centered. These movies have the quotes that I find most applicable to my day-to-day life. Oh, so Holy Grail quotes suit your nerd-to-nerd lifestyle better? Well then, make your own damn list, homie! Also: I have never seen The Big Lebowski.

Of course now I feel bad for not including The Blues Brothers. Or Caddyshack. GOD THE EIGHTIES WERE AWESOME. Or like a jillion Mel Brooks movies. Okay, let me just get to it.

5. Anchorman: I am so amped for the sequel, I can’t articulate myself right now.

“Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.”

“It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.”

And from the same scene: “It smells like Bigfoot’s dick!” Bonus points for the sheer gusto with which this was delivered, at 1:40. That lady made the most of her on-screen time.

4. Office Space: if you work in an office, chances are you have made references to this movie,. Even if you haven’t seen it, you have probably said something about the red stapler and how you’re going to burn this place down. If there is any movie that has captured the miserable absurdity of corporate life better while also¬†recycling a plot point from Superman 3, I would like to hear about it.

“Mother… shitter… Son of an… ass!”

“No way! Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks.”

Why can’t I find a clip of that?! I say it ALL THE TIME.

“”PC Load Letter”? What the f*** does that mean?”

3. The Princess Bridewhat really is delightful about this movie is that it’s as close to universally loved as any movie I can think of, so these quotes really grease the conversational wheels. I can even use them with my daughter when she’s not busy drawing baseball bats that look like dongs.

“No more rhymes now, I mean it!” “Anybody want a peanut?” Is there anything better to say when people are poets and they know it?

“Have fun storming the castle!” Is there anything better to say people when they’re leaving?

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” Is there anything better to say to dumb people?

2. Trading Places As an executive assistant, I have had to play peon in many a private club. Instead of hating everyone there, I just replay Trading Places in my head.

“Look, it tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad.”

“You lying!¬†You ain’t never met Martin Luther The King.”

“And she stepped on the ball.”

1. Coming to America — seriously, I can’t even. The best quotes from the movie are ALL THE QUOTES. I should basically just transcribe it here. These are seriously just the first three that came to mind and I’m thinking up more and now I have to stop typing.

“That boy’s good!” “Mm-hm. Good and terrible.”

“Bark like a dog.”

“She’s your Queen-to-be. A vision of perfection. An object of affection to quench your royal fire. Completely free from infection. To be used at your discretion. Waiting only for your direction. Your Queeeeeen. Toooo. Beeeeeeee.”

And YES. The top two movies are Eddie Murphy movies. COME AT ME. Like I said, the ’80s were awesome.

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